Professor McGherkin's monkey

Professor McGherkin had a pet monkey.

The monkey was extremely clever and could pour water into a cup, hit a nail with a hammer and build a tower with wooden blocks.

Professor McGherkin looked at her monkey and thought, 'What a clever monkey. I bet I could teach it to speak.'

So the monkey suddenly found itself by Professor McGherkin's side all day long. They went to work together, drove home in the car together and went to the shops on Saturday together. All the time Professor McGherkin talked and talked and talked, about everything she saw and thought and heard.

The monkey looked at her, and said nothing.

So Professor McGherkin bought the monkey everything it could wish for; a new swing in the garden, a basketful of bananas, and a little furry toy monkey to play with in case it got lonely.

The monkey looked at Professor McGherkin, and said nothing.

Professor McGherkin was starting to despair of ever teaching her monkey to speak. Her friend, Doctor M'Flingo, noticed how uspet she was and suggested that she treat the monkey a little more like a human being, then it would undoubtedly learn to speak.

Delighted with this new idea, Professor McGherkin purchased a comfy bed, with quilt, for the monkey, a little chair for it to sit on at the dinner table, and, best of all, a fine pair of bright blue breeches for the monkey to wear.

Professor McGherkin helped the monkey to pull the breeches on, and she sat down, waiting.

The monkey looked at Professor McGherkin, and said:

'Do you mind if I don't wear these breeches? They are dreadfully itchy. And, I've never thought blue is my best colour.'

Professor McGherkin fell off her chair.

The monkey looked at Professor McGherkin, and said nothing.