Friday, 22 January 2010

A nice cup of tea

If you travel across the sea for a very long time, eventually you'll come to a rather beautiful, mountainous land of thick trees and soaring blue skies. However, it's extremely unlikely that you'll ever go, and for one very good reason.

Giants live there.

Well, only two giants. One lives on the peak of one mountain. The other lives on the peak of its neighbour. The two giants can just about see one another's house if they squint, but they never make the trip down the mountain, across the V- shaped valley floor and up the other side of the mountain, because they can't stand each other. This has been going on for so long that neither giant can remember why they dislike each other so, but there it is.

The first giant (let's call him Bill) was sitting outside his house one fine spring morning warming his toes in the sun and feeling surprisingly perky. Occasionally, he'd glance over the valley and amuse himself by thinking of really horrible names to call the other giant, and this made him feel even happier. 'A cup of tea would go down well now,' he thought, and went inside to put the kettle on.

But, oh no! There was hot water, tea bags, a mug, but no sugar! A cup of tea was unthinkable without sugar. The giant hummed and haaed for eons, then decided there was only one thing to do. So he took a deep breath and roared across the valley:


The reply took a while, but finally he heard:


So he pulled on his boots, cursed and set off down the mountain, across the valley and up the other side.

Without saying a word, the second giant handed Bill a brown paper bag, folded over at the top.

'HNNF,' he said.

'GRFF,' was the reply, and Bill trudged back down the mountain, across the valley and up to his house to reboil the kettle and open the bag.

Inside was indeed enough sugar for one cup of tea, and something else, hard and round. The giant frowned and scratched his head. It was bound to be something horrible, something to ruin his day: A nasty smelly thing? A slimy wet thing? A dirty rubbishy thing? He pulled it out, fearing the worst.

It was a biscuit.

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